Sara B. 01/07
The door slammed
and Scully stared at it not knowing if she should follow him or not; she decided not to.
She wouldn’t be able to change his mind and she didn’t need anymore humiliation. Her pride had taken too many hits where Fox Mulder was concerned.
could it have gone from such beauty to unimaginable ugliness so quickly?” Scully
asked the empty room. She slid down further on her couch, pulled the ends of
her blouse back and held them in place and began to cry. The vision of him pulling his clothes back on flashed before her
eyes and his last words were on a continuous loop ringing in her ears, “I don’t want this, Scully.”
It was Friday
night and she had been packing up before leaving for the weekend when Mulder suggested dinner and a movie night at her place. Not that he needed to suggest it because it had become the norm for the last three
months whenever they were in town.
to rent the movies and she picked up dinner and they met at her apartment.
settled into their dinner and discussed the latest FBI gossip and current events while they dined on Romano’s finest
finished, they took the remnants out to the kitchen and put away the leftovers, to be snacked on later or saved for the following
night, and put the dishes in the machine. Then they sat back to watch the first
Early on they’d
made several rules for the movies. The first was, at Scully’s insistence,
no porn. Then came, nothing so dumb it made your skin crawl, nothing too ‘chick
flicky’, no car chases or buildings blown up, excepting if it had young Mel Gibson in it. Mulder banned all Joan Crawford movies after ‘Mildred Pierce’ and Scully said that if Mulder
ever showed up with anything that had Pam Anderson in it he was out of there.
else were to look at their ‘list’ they would have thought the two would have had a hard time finding anything
that would suit them both; they would be dead wrong. Surprisingly, Mulder and
Scully liked a lot of the same movies. They liked smart comedies, good dramas
and even sport movies. On occasion they indulged in documentaries and even a
few animated features.
Mulder brought three movies and the first one was one of Mel Gibson’s earliest called “Tim.” Gibson played a mentally challenged young man who falls in love with an older single woman played by Piper
Laurie. The movie had only been on for about twenty minutes when Mulder tossed
his arm over Scully’s back, as he often did, only this time he misjudged it and instead of his hand landing just below
her shoulder it landed on her breast and he didn’t remove it.
skipped a beat then the next thing either of them knew they were necking like teenagers.
Fifteen minutes later Mulder’s shirt was off and he’d unbuttoned her blouse and his fingers were tracing
the lace of her bra.
jumped up, grabbed his shirt and was headed for the door. All the while he kept
repeating, “I don’t want this, Scully. I don’t want this!”
God, what have I done?” Scully choked out between sobs.
God, what have I done?” Mulder screamed in his car as he pounded the steering
wheel. “Shit, Shit, S-H-I-T! How
could I have been so stupid?”
was that he didn’t know what he was calling stupid; necking with Scully or stopping and running out.
Monday: X-Files Office
to keep busy while he waited for Scully to arrive. They hadn’t spoken since
he’d run out and he didn’t know what to expect. All weekend he’d
been admonishing himself for his cowardice. He’d picked up the phone to
call her at least five dozen times before he hung up and he’d driven by her building six or seven times but never stopped. What he didn’t do was sleep or eat much.
While shaving he noticed he looked haggard.
in her car giving herself one last pep talk before walking into the Hoover.
“Come on, Dana, you can do this. He so much as told you he doesn’t
want you. So what? You’ve
lost at love before. The only difference is this is the man you work with every
day. You’ll just have to get over it and move on.” She nodded to her reflection in the mirror and got out of the car.
into the X-Files office and said a casual hello to Mulder, removed her coat and powered on her computer. She pulled the file that she’d worked on over the weekend and started typing up her notes.
Mulder called from his desk.
“Hmm-mm?” She didn’t look up from her work.
I think we need to talk about...”
Mulder, we really don’t. Let’s just check it off as satisfying years
of curiosity; a failed experiment if you will. Now we both know how we feel.”
me, Mulder, you made your position ‘very’ clear, and I’d consider it a favor not to discuss it. Living it was hard enough.”
okay, Scully,” Mulder replied sheepishly. What could he do? He’d been the one who’d run out. If Scully didn’t
want to talk about it they wouldn’t; at least for now.
The week went
by relatively normally. In fact, the week after things were so close to normal
that Mulder could almost make himself forget the whole debacle even happened; until the second Friday.
been ‘mostly’ normal but for the time they had been spending together outside work and Mulder freely admitted
that he missed it. He wanted their time together back. So he decided to jump in with both feet. Not the smartest
thing he’d ever done.
Scully, dinner and a movie?” He immediately knew his mistake; just because
they hadn’t spoken about it didn’t mean it was forgotten or forgiven.
really think that’s a good idea, Mulder.” Her voice was cool and
Mulder swore the room’s temperature dropped. She finished collecting her
things and then Scully was gone. Mulder realized they had not moved beyond the
problem, they’d only been avoiding it.
it home and quickly changed her clothes. Her breathing was shallow and she was
fighting off her anxiety. ‘How could he even suggest his coming over tonight?’
asked. She’d been able to maintain a clear composure and her professionalism
but for him to even suggest that they just forget. To just go back like it never
happened was just insulting.
What the hell
was he thinking? Did he just expect her to say, ‘sure, Mulder. You rejected me and told me you didn’t want me, but that’s okay, come on over. I’ll swallow my pride and try not to seem humiliated.’
Not in this lifetime bud.
hungry but she felt dirty so she stripped down for a second time and climbed into the tub for a long soothing soak.
on his couch staring at the basketball in his hands. “Okay, Mulder, it’s
time to put your training to work and prove you actually earned all those ‘sheepskins’ and figure out what to
been acting like she’d dismissed what had happened, but obviously she was more affected than she was letting on. The memory of that night came back to him. Everything
had been typical and he’d felt really comfortable. He put his arm over
her back and he’d let his hand fall a bit further down than normal and it landed on her breast. She hadn’t even flinched, almost like she’d expected it.
Instead of moving his hand he’d traced the edges of her bra. Somehow
they ended up kissing and he’d tossed his shirt off and had hers unbuttoned.
of her lying there, hair wild, blouse open and the lace of her bra, which hid little and only tantalized him more, caused
his body to react and his breath quickened.
it! No more cowardice and no more evasions.
I love her and I think she loves me. Avoiding this is just stupid!’
out of his suit into more casual clothes and headed out.
bother knocking, choosing to use his key instead. He stood in the doorway and
listened. Music was coming from the bathroom and it made him smile. He went to the kitchen and started opening containers then waited as the smell fill the apartment.
nearly asleep and kept thinking she should get out of the tub but kept putting it off.
Suddenly the air was filled with wonderful luscious smells that made her mouth water and her stomach growl.
the hallway wearing only a towel and jumped quickly into her bedroom when she heard Mulder say, “I know these nights
are casual but don’t you think that’s taking it a little far?” He
paused before adding, “though don’t think I don’t appreciate the view.”
a muffled, “yeah right,” come through the door. “You appreciated
it so much you ran out of here last time.”
It all really
came together for him at that moment, Scully thought he rejected her not that he had been scared. Just then the door opened and Scully stormed out. “So
why the hell…”
were cut off as Mulder shoved her against the wall and captured her mouth with his.
Scully shoved him back trying to get him off of her. “Mulder, is
this some sick…” His hand clamped over mouth.
last time I saw everything I ever wanted and it was you. It scared me so much,
I thought if it went any further that not only would I lose us I’d lose you and that was a chance I couldn’t take. Tonight, when I suggested dinner and I saw your reaction I realized it was already
too late. If I wanted to keep any part of you I had to stop being a coward. I had to show you that I do want this, I want us.
I need it and I hope, hell, I pray, you need it too.”
his eyes for any indication of deception. Mulder saw her eyes start to sparkle.
“Thank you, Scully, for not giving up on me.” He removed his hand and demandingly kissed her.
but firmly pushed him back. “Mulder, I love you and that means never really
giving up. But that doesn’t mean we can just forget what happened; at least
I can’t. You left me like – like – like ‘that’
and it hurt, it still hurts.” Mulder pulled back, releasing her. Scully led him to the couch. “I need to take this slow,
any slower and I’ll be chasing you around from a wheelchair.” He
could see his attempt at humor failed.
I opened myself up to you. I became vulnerable and let you in because I trusted
you not to wound me; but you did.”
in understanding. “You need to be sure I won’t walk away again.” She looked at him and he could tell she hoped he understood; he did. “So what do you say we start with dinner and a movie?”
good.” She took his hand and kissed the palm, “thanks for understanding.”
exactly what Mulder had been hoping would happen but it was a beginning – no it was a new beginning.