Finding His Truth
Sara B. 2/2005
Mulder stared at the closed office door waiting for his partner. He
looked at his watch; it was only six-thirty eight, so he had about an hour to kill.
They didn’t have an open case and he didn’t feel like scraping through the “potential pile”
as Scully dubbed his minor mountain of mismatched items of e-mails, letters, news clippings and the other Hodge-podge of minutia
he used for leads.
He sat back in his chair with his hands behind his head and put his feet up, careful not to dislodge the pile,
and let his mind drift. This was an indulgence for him; one he didn’t allow
very often because of the dangerous paths his unencumbered thoughts sometimes took.
This time though his thoughts were not dangerous or even dark they were about the truth; his truth.
Many times throughout his life he’d thought he’d found the truth; only later discovering his error,
not before another part of his soul died.
When he was young he thought his truth was his parents. He’d
seen his father as strong and important and his mother as the perfect life partner.
Later, after Sam’s disappearance and he needed his parents love and support, he saw their true selves. Fox Mulder found out by age thirteen his parents were not his truth.
His father drank and was sullen. He stayed away from home more
then ever and when he was home he locked himself in his den with a couple of packs of Pall Malls and a couple fifths of Whiskey. His murder halted the only truth Mulder might have gotten from the man.
Mom Mulder wasn’t much better. She was home all the time
but she wasn’t present. She didn’t drink, society women just didn’t
do that, no she turned to drugs. No, Teena Mulder was not a junkie, she was a
legal drug addict and she had the scripts to prove it. She only took prescription
medications; she didn’t let anyone know that she went to four different doctors to get those prescriptions. Her suicide was just another method of freezing him out.
Mulder next thought his truth was in the arms of Wendy Dell. Wendy was his first girlfriend and his sexual partner. He
figured that something that felt so good had to be the truth, it wasn’t. Three
weeks after they started going steady he overheard Wendy talking to her friends. She was telling them that she was using him to get to Brian Hannigan.
Mulder broke up with her that night; he waited till after he screwed her. He
figured one good screwing deserved another. Unfortunately this was a mistake
he would make several more times; thinking his truth was in the arms of an unworthy lover.
Phoebe at Oxford and Diana early in his career; he’d even had repeat performances with both
of them. To think, some people thought he was smart?
For a while he thought his work under Patterson was the truth. He
worked hard and was pivotal in the apprehension of criminals so they couldn’t victimize people anymore. The assignment had nearly driven him insane.
When he opened the X-Files he was sure he’d find the truth with them.
His work with Dr. Werber had him convinced that finding his sister was his truth.
He now knew what happened to Samantha and it was not his truth.
His musings were disturbed by the ping of the elevator announcing its arrival.
A smile crept on his face as he listened to the footfalls.
His truth was walking down the hall in impossibly high heels, wearing a severe suit carrying a briefcase and
was armed. His truth was steadfast and loyal and ready to kick butt. Most of all she was his.
The door opened and truth smiled at him.