Sara B. 3/2005
Dana Scully walked out of
Kersh’s office slowly, her partner, no make that ‘Mulder’ was half way to the elevator. He didn’t seem to notice she wasn’t the traditional three paces behind. Rather appropriate she thought. She didn’t have the
energy to be with him right now. To listen to him prattle on as if nothing changed;
but things had changed, dramatically. Scully ducked into the stairwell and headed
for the parking garage.
They had been returned to
the X-Files division, or at least that seemed to be the general consensus. Scully
was not so sure.
Scully was almost to her
apartment when her cell phone rang; she let it roll to voicemail. There wasn’t
much of a question as to who it was. The only question was why it took twenty
minutes. Did he just notice she wasn’t there? Or did he notice sooner but went looking before he called? For
her money she bet that someone asked where she was while he was cleaning out his desk.
There was a time he wouldn’t have made it five steps before noticing she wasn’t next to him. It only showed how far they had drifted.
She entered her apartment
and the phone was ringing; she let the machine pick up. Mulder’s voice
was telling her to pick up if she was there and then telling her to call as soon as she got his message. She erased it.
She took a quick shower and
put on her favorite ‘pity’ clothes; a pair of worn through jeans and a way too large sweatshirt that proudly pronounced
‘Hand Over the Chocolate and No One Gets Hurt!’ Charles had given
it to her when he’d stayed with her one time while she was suffering from some pretty excruciating menstrual cramps. It had taken three pieces of decadent Chocolate – Chocolate layer cake from
Lee’s Bakery for her to even attempt civility. She smiled at the memory
of his presenting the shirt to her along with a five pound chocolate bar.
She absent mindedly made
herself some tea and toast. Her stomach had been giving her problems since the
air base and she hadn’t been able to eat much without it coming back up.
Lying on her bed with her
Grandmother’s old quilt she went through her mail and tried to feel normal; a feeling that had eluded her for quite
some time. She sorted everything and paid the bills then pulled out an old photo
album. The first picture was of her graduation from medical school. The whole family was there. Even Melissa had flown in from
whatever part of the world she was exploring to be with her. Grandma Kate and
Gram Peg were both beaming with pride and Papa Jim looked like he would bust a button.
The next photo was of her alone. Gosh, had she really been that young? She hardly knew the girl looking at her from the photo. Her eyes held the promise of a future unknown and the cockiness bred from naivety. She pulled out a mirror from the bedside table drawer and examined her face. She had changed a lot from that girl but you could still recognize her.
Her eyes no longer held promise or cockiness, replaced by doubt, fear and knowledge.
It was then the tears started to fall; how had she gotten so lost? For
the first time Dana Scully didn’t know where she belonged and it scared her.
Mulder unlocked Scully’s
door without bothering to knock first. Her car was outside and he knew she was
home. He’d left messages on both phones and she hadn’t called him,
Scully was avoiding him and he wasn’t going to let it go on.
He still couldn’t believe
it took Mike Rich’s call for him to realize she wasn’t around. Mike
wanted her to look over something for him and hadn’t been able to find her. Mulder
immediately called her cell only to have it roll over. Ten minutes later he called
her home number and got her machine. He waited a respectable ninety minutes to
go to her home. When he spotted her car he made up his mind to end the standoff
they’d been staging since El Rico.
He stood in her living room
and was stunned by the silence. No TV, no music and no chatter of any kind. Mulder saw the light from her bedroom. He
stood in the doorway and saw her lying there facing away from him. He’d
been there a few minutes when he heard Scully say quietly, “come on in Mulder, it is okay.”
Mulder walked around to the
side she was facing and sat at the edge. He picked up the album and looked between
the photo and the woman. The girl in the picture was pretty but the woman was
beautiful. He never knew the girl but the woman he did; and she was hurting.
“I’m sorry Scully.” She sat up and faced him, eyebrow cocked. “I’m
sorry I wasn’t honest with you, I’m sorry I didn’t really listen to what you told me, I’m sorry I
almost gave up and I am most sorry that I’ve hurt you like this.”
Scully tilted her head to
the side and smiled. “Shotgun approach to apologies?”
Mulder’s smile matched
hers. “I was bound to hit something by aiming at everything I could think of.”
This got him a small chuckle before she became serious again. “Tell
Scully took a deep breath,
“I really don’t know what to tell you. I feel like we’ve lost
something that I’m not even sure existed. I haven’t felt this removed
from you since our first couple of cases.”
Mulder brushed an imaginary
hair from her face, letting his fingers linger on her jaw line. “It existed
Scully, it still does. We have to find it again.”
Her breath choked in her
chest, “are you sure you want to Mulder? You have an option now and for
months you seem to prefer it.”
Mulder grabbed her and pulled
her to him, holding her in a tight embrace. “Never Scully, believe me. That option was just easier, familiar, and I got lost in some memories that is all.” He pulled back a bit so he could look in her eyes.
“Last fall I asked if you wanted me to make a choice. There never
was a choice to make Scully, I have no choice, I don’t need one and I don’t want one.”
If you asked who kissed who
first they couldn’t answer; they had met in the middle. That night she
called him Fox, for the second time, and third and fourth and, well you get the picture.